A man's dying is more the survivors' affair than his own.~Thomas Mann
Daddy is dying.
Alzheimer's is called "The Long Goodbye" and with good reason. We have been saying our goodbyes, in various fashions, for years now
I was having a conversation with my friend, a sister of my soul, the other day. She was startled when I told her that I really don't ever want to return again to my "home" state. She knew my Christmas trip was distressing. but thought for sure that I would want to see my father again before he dies.
She doesn't/can't understand that Daddy is already dead for me. I have already said goodbye to him. That his body lingers has little or no meaning for me. This is not cruel, nor callous, nor unfeeling. On the contrary, my heart is broken.
The reality is that the months and months I spent with him last year were when I said goodbye to my dad. I spent good, solid, real time with him. He knew me, and we shared so many moments, and made so many memories. It is time and memories that I will be eternally grateful for.
His poor, frail body remains. He is no longer "living" in any meaningful sense of the word. He exists. His heart pumps, his lungs expand and contract. His mind is lost within the tangles and plaques of this horrid disease.
I will be heartbroken when his body finally gives up, but............I am ready.
Alzheimer's is called "The Long Goodbye" and with good reason. We have been saying our goodbyes, in various fashions, for years now
I was having a conversation with my friend, a sister of my soul, the other day. She was startled when I told her that I really don't ever want to return again to my "home" state. She knew my Christmas trip was distressing. but thought for sure that I would want to see my father again before he dies.
She doesn't/can't understand that Daddy is already dead for me. I have already said goodbye to him. That his body lingers has little or no meaning for me. This is not cruel, nor callous, nor unfeeling. On the contrary, my heart is broken.
The reality is that the months and months I spent with him last year were when I said goodbye to my dad. I spent good, solid, real time with him. He knew me, and we shared so many moments, and made so many memories. It is time and memories that I will be eternally grateful for.
His poor, frail body remains. He is no longer "living" in any meaningful sense of the word. He exists. His heart pumps, his lungs expand and contract. His mind is lost within the tangles and plaques of this horrid disease.
I will be heartbroken when his body finally gives up, but............I am ready.
