Learning Lessons

Do not dwell in the past,

do not dream of the future,
concentrate the mind on the present moment.
-- Buddha

My father is teaching me some important lessons about life.

I have come to an intersection on the highway of my life, and standing here with Daddy is making me view the road in a whole new light.

Daddy lives in the moment. He has lost the need to worry about the future, and he is rapidly losing his past as well. He is happy or sad at each moment in time, encapsulated in itself. This is more of a blessing than you can imagine.

I, on the other hand, worry. A lot. That's what I do. I also waste an inordinate amount of time and energy on regrets. All the while, I missing what Daddy is experiencing: the present, the here-and-now. I was in therapy for years. My therapist was constantly trying to teach me "mindful awareness" -- shrink-speak for "living in the present."

So now I look at my father, bent with age and feeble. A man whose brain is gradually consuming itself. A man approaching death. Guess what? He is showing me how to live, just as surely as he taught me to ride a bike and drive a car and dance. He is teaching me to appreciate the immediate, to cherish the small moments that make up life.

I'm a shitty student when it comes to things like this, but I am trying. I refuse to continue on as I did before, worrying and fretting and making myself crazy over things I either can't change or can't control. I am no longer witing for my life to start, because as I sit here waiting time is moving along.

As the man said, "Let's roll!"