Mourning

The deep pain that is felt at the death of every friendly soul

arises from the feeling that there is in every individual

something which is inexpressible, peculiar to him alone,

and is, therefore,

absolutely and irretrievably lost.

~Arthur Schopenhauer

Grief and mourning are two different things. Grief is the immediate emotional reaction to the death of a loved one; mourning is the continuing pain that goes on far longer.

I have passed through the grief part, and now I mourn. I mourn every day for my father. I mourn for the wonderful Daddy that I have lost. I lost him first to Alzheimer's, and now I have lost him to death. How much loss can a person carry? I know that this is too much for me. I would give my own life to be able to see him one more time, to tell him once more how much I love him. The emptiness that his death has left in my heart and in my life is a black hole of pain.

We have endured Easter and survived his 89th birthday without him. Mom made it through their 64th wedding anniversary. Now we have to face Father's Day next Sunday, and my soul is bleeding out already.