Sliding Downhill

Sorrow turns the stars into mourners,
and every wind of heaven into a dirge.
Patrick Hannay

Living here, I am seeing more and more clearly how rapidly Daddy is declining.

His physical health is deteriorating rapidly. He is now a frail, feeble old man who is less and less able to care for himself. The spinal stenosis, of course, is a large part of his disability, as it impedes his ability to walk. The Alzheimer's complicates that by rendering him unable to remember how to use his walker correctly. Often he even lacks the strength to stand up on his own, and needs help getting out of his chair.

He is losing his table manners, and although neither my mother nor I say anything about it, it is apparent to both of us. We make his sandwich for him at lunch, and generally serve him the majority of his dinner. There have been times when we have needed to cut his meet for him, and frequently we need to instruct him on how to eat certain things. His appetite is excellent, and despite complaining at virtually every meal that we have given him too much food, he manages to eat every morsel.

Quite often has trouble in the bathroom these days. There are times that urinary accidents force him to change his pants in the middle of the day, and from time to time he needs to be re-showered due to difficulty in managing bowel movements. Thankfully Mom is angel of heaven in these situations, as I tend to collapse like a cheap lawn chair.

My sweet, loving, and gentle Daddy is also undergoing personality changes as well. He can be very suspicious and demanding, and at times downright disagreeable. Despite knowing the origin of these behaviors, I still find myself deeply upset when he yells at me. His bad temper one of the things that hurts me most to see, since it is so unlike him.

There are times, more frequent, that he is compliant and sweet. Sadly though, he is also becoming more and more childlike every day.

Regression and deterioration, both physical and mental, are wreaking havoc on my poor father.