The most important work you and I will ever dois within the walls of our own homes.
~H. B. Lee
I went "home" for Christmas. I hadn't seen Daddy in six months; an eternity in Alzheimer's. I was nervous and stressed beforehand, dreading what I would find at the other end of the plane ride. A very wise friend asked me why I was so apprehensive about seeing my father. I replied that I was afraid he wouldn't recognize me. My friend's response was "Well, YOU know who HE is, don't you? And you know who he was." The thought stopped me in my tracks.
I DO know who he is, and I know who he was. That's what hurts so much. Such a wonderful, vibrant, loving man to be brought to the place he is now just destroys me.
No, Daddy didn't know my name, at least not most of the time. He certainly recognized that I belonged to him, but he obviously couldn't connect my face to my name. It's like that with everyone, now. He's lost a lot more communicative language; his verbal abilities have severely declined over the past months that I've been away. He is mostly incontinent now, and his bed changing many mornings. He is impossibly frail -- a tiny, shrunken, fragile soul who looks as if a halfway decent breeze would knock him over. Mother still gets frustrated and yells at him, talks down to him, and refuses to cater to him. Pisses me right the hell off, too.
1 comment:
My mother has Alzheimer's. The last eight years have been tough. Last year my Dad died, and a few months later we got Mom into a Veteran's Home. The nursing home has been wonderful. She seems happy, truly happy, because there are people around 24 hrs a day, and no one is demanding she do this or that. The home is great. My mom doesn't know I am her daughter, but she doesn't reject me either, seems to know I "belong"to her, like you said. When I saw her last, I felt very comforted. She is still herself, in a way. I'm sorry your mother is being difficult. My mom was almost abusive towards my Dad at the end, but they still loved each other. It's very possible your father would be better off in a good nursing home. Getting my mom in the home was an enormous relief, and not sad at all.
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